First Hand Update From My Instagram

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The place I remember the most.

I think the last time we were here was like 2 years ago?
We used to study here together when we were form 6. Those are the most happy and memorable moments in my life. I was rewarded into an IPTA shortly after that.
He get the chance to go into the University that I always wanted to. But he refused or more correctly, he was forced not to go.
Studying in the library is the tip of my life so far. But for him, it was the worst moment of his life (am I right? Correct me please). He wastes his time 2 years in the form six achieving nothing.
It doesn’t always remind me of him when I come into this library. But all memory just flashed back to those I treasure the most.
When a couple broke up, they always remember the worst of the other. But for me, I wanna blame him for being not loyal, being bad to me, treat me in the way that I don’t want to be, but those are not significant any more. If It’s a love that makes me so uncomfortable, why we started it in the first place? Why we can be together for almost 4 years? I try hard to preserve it, but I am just not good enough.
I know there are lures all around him. I don’t blame him. I don’t blame her either. She can give him more commitment than I do, no need to wait. She is so perfect compares to me. She can gives him love and affection more than I do. I do fell jealous. How can few months beats off 4 years? Well, God knows it.
Whenever I see the status update, twitter etc, the left part of the chest feels sour.
I admit that I don’t believe him. Neither he does. He don’t trust me either.
I wonder if I give him a chance, will he give me too?
I am listening to “Need you now” now and crying in front of my laptop among a school of people in the library. After living here today, I don’t ever want to come back.
I don’t always post my diary here. Hope he read this.


  1. As daunting as it may seem, one has to keep moving on with life. When there is a need to compromise within a relationship, temptations on both ends kicks up another notch to the point that resisting is almost certain futile. After all, you never do really cherish what you have in hand especially at such a tender age. This is also a point of time where trust is just so difficult to attain.

    Life is a journey and the question is how many chances can you afford to give before you start noticing an unhealthy relationship?

  2. @alvin, thanks for the long comment. Maybe if I am a lil more mature. I wun be suffering like this.
    But I do cherish what I get. Just that when I get hurt the 2nd time for the same reason, all I can do is just let go. Trust is a subject that I have not yet find the pivot places.